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Nov. 24th, 2009 03:10 am

And someone always takes it to mean more than it does

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Nov. 24th, 2009 12:29 am

I forget I'm still awake
I fuck up and say these things out loud

Don't look at me that way
It was an honest mistake

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Nov. 23rd, 2009 03:58 pm

i'm whispering because you're whispering

and i dont want to think about you anymore, i promised myself. its hard when u really have nothing else to think about.

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Nov. 21st, 2009 01:24 pm

ever had someone take your journal, and with a pen, criticise your musings?

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Nov. 21st, 2009 01:20 pm

ah yes.

it was rebounds. later on that, i'm hungry.

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Nov. 21st, 2009 01:19 pm of cigarettes and M&Ms

i wanted to post about something that crept into my mind last night,but i've forgotten what it was abt. maybe she'll remb when she wakes up.

if she wants to talk to me that is

being hung-up over someone isnt fun. and most of the time, its your first ever experience being hungup over someone thats your worst. logically because you dont know how to handle it, you dont know how to solve it and you dont know what is right or wrong, or if there is truly light at the end of the road.

some of you guys know my stand in this.

waiting, just purely waiting isnt going to make you get over the person. giving it time and living your life for the moment wont help. being in a state of i dont really want to think about it will just lead you to a state of i dont really know what to do.

i'm not saying that these are the wrong routes to go about it, we all need that buffer time to grieve for a dead relationship.

the only thing time will tell you, is that you're never going to get anything from this. and then,

and then, the reason for getting over that someone will appear, always unexpectedly. it could be an event, or a new person in your life. it'll make you change your perspective, that you'll be much happier being over that person, much happier closing that chapter and living your life.

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Nov. 20th, 2009 02:16 am just do me a favour, and check your baggage out the door

i have an identity crisis ever since i came to university.

I am a 21 year old male malay, and i am studying at an institute that is often prejudiced to be a dumping ground for underachievers, hopeless cases aka cmi (cannot make it), or people who don't know what to do with their lives. It is also the institute that apparently, the easiest for malays to get into.

I own a motorbike, i prefer t shirts and jeans, if not 3 quarts, and sneakers/loafers/slippers. I smoke, i like to wear shades, and i like soccer.

Does this make me a mat?

Sometimes i wonder what makes a mat. Whether mats are more attractive than guys like me to girls.

I admit, there was a period when i wanted to be a mat. I wanted to be somebody, to have an identity. I am short. I dont have the kind of features that people at first glance will go 'whoa'. My good traits are in my character and principles. But thats not what most girls want.

Girls dont like boys girls like cars and money
Should have referred to this. We all know mats dont have either.

Anyway, i digress. So yes, the first few weeks i tried to be a mat, look like a mat. I'm not quite sure why, maybe i was scared that people would look at me and go, 'okay u're just an average malay kid who somehow made it to nie. big deal.'
As compared to mat, they'd be like, wow, how the hell did he get here? He's more than meets the eye!

Or he's fetching his girlfriend on his totally mat motorbike...lol

But as time worn on, i got sick, tired and absolutely disgusted by people's perceptions of me. Because i realised that this isnt who i am, this isnt what i wanted to be. I know i am smart, even though i am fucking lazy. i can do it, i can excel. But the judgements people make, without even knowing me, is an eye opener.

I like philosophy, i have dreams of life, i have ambition, i want to achieve things for myself. I can write essays easily, i can speak english fluently, i can solve maths in my head. So why do people say that i am a mat?

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Nov. 19th, 2009 11:17 pm


remember how once u said that if we were ever to break up, it was probably going to be because i found someone else?

the irony. dont get me wrong. if i didnt meet you, i wouldnt have turned out this way. wouldnt have become who i am, someone with a conscience, with sensitivity and with morals. i wouldnt have met ahmad, hence i wouldnt have met adam, hence i wouldnt be right here in this chair.

good times.

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Nov. 19th, 2009 03:08 am loving you, friends.

I grew up listening to this song. I never thought it would ever,ever be applicable.

Maybe, life is like a ride on the freeway
Dodging bullets while you're trying to find your way
Everyone's around, but no one does a damn thing
It brings me down, but I won't let them

If I seem bleak
Well, you'd be correct
And if I don't speak
It's 'cause I get disconnected
But I won't be burned by the reflection
Of the fire in your eyes
As you're staring at the sun

When I ran I didn't feel like a runaway. (Hey!)
When I escaped I didn't feel like I got away. (Hey!)
There's more to living than only surviving
Maybe I'm not there, but I'm still trying

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Nov. 19th, 2009 02:50 am

Step 1: Identify Problem
Step 2: Identify Most Easy Way Out
Step 3: Identify Flaws of Most Easy Way Out
Step 4: Identify Alternatives/ 2nd Most Easy Way Out

1) Calculus
2) Mc
3) Fail / Have to retake and do it again anyway
4) Chiong after this post with red bull and cigarettes, and whack with intellect tomorrow

1) Ex-Gf Stigma
2) Badmouth Ex-Gf
3) She didnt do anything wrong
4) Give up and stay away from girls / Give up and enjoy life

1) Money
2) Steal
3) I make a lousy thief, because by looking like a mat, i am already a suspect
4) Get a job after exams / Plan and get someone else to steal

1) Rumours
2) Kill Rumourmongers
3) Jail time for murder > Jail time for theft
4) Not care and become desensitized over time, losing the perspective of when to care or not

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